Which One Do you choose?

Mimu

Having to choose between two options makes me hesitate and feel stressed.

Mihoko

If that’s the case, it becomes much easier when you know what your own criteria for choosing are.

This article will help you choose what truly matters to you, without doubt or hesitation.

Grandma

Honor what matters most by placing it first♡

Trade-off

Have you heard the term “trade-off”?

A trade-off (or tradeoff) is a situational decision that involves diminishing or losing on quality, quantity, or property of a set or design in return for gains in other aspects. In simple terms, a tradeoff is where one thing increases, and another must decrease.

Source：wikipedia

When you have to choose between A and B, you inevitably have to give up the other. You might even feel some lingering attachment to the option you didn’t choose. Or, you may end up adjusting to someone else’s wishes and miss out on what you truly wanted.

In situations like the ones below, are you able to choose without hesitation?

These may not be major decisions, but if you can choose without any regret, it means you already have your own criteria, so this article may not be necessary for you.

On the other hand, if you find these kinds of choices difficult, I believe this article will be helpful, even in a small way. I hope you’ll continue reading.

Mimu

Sometimes I can choose easily, and sometimes I can’t!!

When that happens, when you’re faced with a choice between two options, what helps you decide?

• Choosing by looking at the pros and cons
• Choosing from a short-term and long-term perspective
• Choosing based on the people or the atmosphere
• Choosing based on how you feel in the moment
• Choosing by intuition

Throughout the day, we face many moments where we have to make choices, from small ones to big ones.

When a decision feels small and simple, we can choose easily. But when it doesn’t, we may hesitate, feel stressed, and eventually experience what’s often called “decision fatigue“.

In decision making and psychology, decision fatigue refers to the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session of decision making.

Source：wikipedia

Mimu

So, what should I do?

Mihoko

Having your own criteria in place from the beginning makes everything easier.

If you don’t have your own criteria, you end up thinking things like “Which option will cause less loss or harm?” or Which one is better for me?” every single time. And because you have to figure it out on the spot, it takes time, drains your willpower, and leaves you feeling exhausted.

On the other hand, when you create your criteria in advance, the conditions for choosing are already set. This means you can simply decide, “if it doesn’t meet my criteria, I won’t choose it”, which makes the whole process so much easier.

Create Your Own Criteria for Choosing

Now, let me show you how to create your own criteria for choosing. It’s a very simple method, and once you have it, you can apply it to almost any situation.

By the way, have you ever thought about what “value” actually means in ethics?

In ethics and social sciences, value denotes the degree of importance of something or an action, with the aim of determining which actions are best to do or what way is best to live, or to describe the significance of different actions.

Source：Wikipedia

To put it another way, value refers to the qualities that satisfy human needs, and it is an abstract concept. If we express this a little more concretely, it looks like this.

If any of these values feel important to you, the ones that matter to you naturally become your own “criteria for making choices“.

*SDW = an abbreviation for Spirit Dance World

Because each person values different things, your own important values might not be on the list above. If that’s the case, take a moment to identify what you value and consider how you would prioritize them. These priorities may also shift depending on the stage of life you’re in.

Mimu

What values do I hold close to my heart?

Mihoko

Take a moment to ask yourself these questions to get to know what you truly value.

Questions to help you discover your own values

• What is the one thing you most want to protect?
• What is something you absolutely never want to lose?
• What brings you happiness?
• What brings a smile to your face?
• What gives you a sense of purpose or ikigai in life?

After you become clear about your values, the next step is to decide which ones matter most. When your priorities are set, you can make choices with clarity and without hesitation.

Grandma

Honor what matters most by placing it first♡

Choosing with Clear Criteria

Now, to make this easier to understand, let me share one example of what it looks like to have clear criteria for choosing.

【In Mihoko’s case】

Mihoko

My criteria are:

① Love

② Health

③ Time/Contribution including work

More specifically, my choices are guided by:

1. Choosing what nurtures love
2. Choosing what sustains my health
3. Choosing how to spend my time meaningfully and contribute in ways that feel natural to me, including through my work

When I apply these criteria to my everyday choices, this is how I look at the following situations:

• Going for a morning walk or staying in bed a little longer
• Saying yes to a night invitation or choosing to rest
• Spending time with loved ones or doing work or chores

In this way, when you have your own criteria, your value, you can decide what to choose, or not choose, without stress. And because what you value and what you choose are aligned, you free yourself from feelings of loss, regret, or guilt about the options you didn’t choose.

Mihoko

I also have a couple of personal rules in addition to my criteria for choosing.

【Mihoko’s Rules】

• I choose not to take away the smiles of the people I love
• I stay flexible while still honoring my own wellbeing

For me, not taking away the smiles of the people I love means noticing when a choice might damage our connection. In those moments, instead of acting from my own assumptions or stubbornness, I choose love and harmony.

And staying flexible without falling into self-sacrifice means recognizing that some situations offer something even greater than what I usually prioritize. In those moments, I make my choice only after understanding the other opportunity I would be giving up.

I encourage you to discover the criteria that fit you and use them as the foundation for your choices. When you do, the time spent worrying disappears and the unnecessary stress fades away. It’s something I genuinely recommend.

Summary

Some people can choose between two options without hesitation, while others struggle. Those who don’t hesitate have their own criteria for choosing, which allows them to decide quickly and without stress.

But for those who lack such criteria, every choice takes time and becomes a source of doubt. When this continues, it leads to decision fatigue, gradually weakening both willpower and the ability to make decisions.

In moments of choosing between two options, there is always a tread-off: you gain one thing and lose another. In these important moments, having your own criteria allows you to choose without hesitation.

Minu

When you use the values that matter to you as your choosing criteria and set your priorities based on them, the act of choosing becomes so much easier.

Mihoko

Exactly!

And having your own personal rules makes it even smoother.

Mimu

I’d really love to hear what choosing criteria and personal rules for other people have. It’s so inspiring to learn how different people make their choices!

Grandma

It’s beautiful when we can respect each other’s choosing criteria and the values we hold dear.